i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
