If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
