Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
