I hate your face
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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