i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
