you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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