I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
