WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
