Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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