you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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