So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
