im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm at about main and main street
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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