I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
