Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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