just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
