I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
