I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
