What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
