one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
