Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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