just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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