i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
