Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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