Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
