Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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