There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
