I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
