At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
