I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
