it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
