Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
