the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just invented taco cereal.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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