His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
