I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I die, sorry about rent.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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