I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
