turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
