Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
