either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
