i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think i have two assholes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
