Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
