i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
