i was born a porn star she said
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
