I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
now i know why i became what i already was.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
