you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
