i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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