Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
