Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
