Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
