so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
