judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
