where am i from again
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
