bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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