Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
