Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
