just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
