Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
