Umm I'm too high to move.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
