Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
